Letting Go and Moving On

Divorces are expensive, messy, and frustrating.  If contested, the parties air their dirty laundry and hurl accusations and grievances in a courtroom, a very public forum. They fight over child custody and visitation and bicker over money and property – for example: Who will pay the couple’s debts or keep the couple’s assets? Not surprisingly, emotions run high.

One spouse initiates a divorce. The spouse who is served with the divorce petition may feel blindsided, betrayed, and hurt. Sometimes, bitterness consumes them, and they cannot contain their anger. They lash back, which may create other legal issues. Know this: Once a spouse files for divorce, reconciliation rarely happens.

While divorce proceedings are difficult and drag on, ultimately the parties will be divorced. The vows of love forever uttered on the wedding day are forgotten as each spouse levels accusations against the other. The legal battles and claims are upsetting and unsettling and, often, take a toll on the parties.

After the judge signs the divorce decree, legally ending the marriage, the parties still may have to tie-up loose ends (such as signing over titles). When the welfare and care of minor children is litigated or negotiated, even after the divorce, the parties must arrange for and share child custody and visitation, deal with their minor children’s issues and feelings, and work together to raise their children. While not married, the divorced parents will see each other at school events, extracurricular activities, and other important milestones in their children’s lives.  Here is the reality: The marriage may be over, but the parties still must deal with the other regarding their children.

Even after the divorce is inked, some spouses have difficulty letting go. In their minds, they may relive the events that lead to the marriage’s breakup; rerun the other party’s perceived wrongs; second-guess themselves as to the steps taken or not taken that affected or supposedly could have saved the marriage; justify their own actions or inactions; think about restoring the marriage; or harbor grudges, contempt, and bad feelings for the other spouse.  For example, if a spouse was a spendthrift or left for another, the hurting spouse may try to seek explanation or vengeance. But the other spouse has moved on already and may refuse to revisit the past.

The spouse who has trouble letting go and moving on with his or her life may step over a legal line.  If a divorced or divorcing spouse sends offensive or nasty messages by telephone, by text, by email, or in person or otherwise behaves inappropriately, the courts will not hesitate to issue a no-contact order or a protection order.  The result is: The hurting spouse will draw the judge’s ire and may lose rights of visitation with minor children, be ordered not to harass and to stay away from the other current or former spouse, incur more expenses, and create troubles for himself or herself. When the spouse who sends these nasty messages tries to defend on the fact that his or her spouse treated him or her poorly or betrayed him or her, the court will not listen. The past is over, and the court typically will deal with only the present claims of harassment.

The lesson here is: When the marriage or relationship is over, let go and move on. Regardless of emotions and hard feelings, be civil, courteous, and polite to the other spouse or significant other. The spouse who has filed for divorce already has decided to move on – alone. The other spouse eventually will draw the same conclusion.

If you are charged with harassing your current or former spouse (or he or she seeks an order of protection), talk to a lawyer. The Courts take these matters very seriously.  For more information or to defend your rights, consult with Nashville Lawyer Perry A. Craft.